Point/Counterpoint
Point: Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Just because a stopped clock happens to be right *now* doesn’t mean you should always trust it.
Counterpoint: Time is an arbitrary, artificial social construct. Who’s to say whether my stopped clock isn’t really telling the right time and the Navy’s atomic clocks are wrong? Scientists who wear “real watches” are sometimes late to meetings, so they clearly don’t know any better. Allopathic Time institutions assume that everyone’s temporal frame of reference is exactly the same, whereas Alternative Time practitioners adjust everyone’s stopped watch to match their personal, individual time. My stopped clock is more reliable because it always gives the same answer, as opposed to science-based clocks which are always changing their answer. Your faith in the working clock on your wall is no different than my faith in the stopped clock on mine. I’ve felt free and liberated ever since I’ve stopped owning a working watch. Even if my stopped clock isn’t telling the right time, but I believe that it’s telling me the right time, and isn’t it good that this belief makes me feel better? Big corporations like Timex, Seiko, and Rolex are evil because they’ve driven all the mom and pop watchmakers out of business. Some wristwatches are heavy and bulky, their batteries contain toxic chemicals, and they cost tens of thousands of dollars more than my stopped clock which proves that watches are just a tool of evil profit-greedy corporations to take your money. Do you know who never wore a watch? Jesus. Do you know who wore a watch? Hitler? People disagree with me because their careers and paychecks are so invested in the concept of hours, schedules, and deadlines that they can’t afford to admit that they’re wrong even if they secretly know they are. I once wore a watch with a band that gave me a horrible rash. Humans lived without watches for tens of thousands of years; not enough time has elapsed for our bodies to adapt to the artificial clocks in our environment. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle says that observations can produce physical effects, which means I can change the Actual Time if I believe that “my time” is real. Where in the constitution does it say that Obama’s socialist timekeepers get can dictate to states, small businessmen, and patriots what time it is? You can’t disprove that the time on my stopped clock isn’t really the time that God wants it to be.
My friend @mrn helpfully summarizes every bad argument known to man. Enjoy. (original post)
